if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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