I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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