I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
