Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
