I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
