You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
