dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
