Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have feelings that need drinking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
