i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
