i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
