i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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