I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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