I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
