Got a toothbrush?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize