I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
