Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
