forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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