shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
