drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
