Sponge bath it is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
