The maid of honor just puked.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
