Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
