I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
