Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
