whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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