I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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