my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
