Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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