I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
