I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
