I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
