i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize