Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
