What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
