so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
