$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
