so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
