So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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