i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
