He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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