Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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