i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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