I wish i was in the wii world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize