Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
