I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
