my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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