i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
