Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize