we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
