I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
