Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
