ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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