Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
