Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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