I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
