I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
