you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize