dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
