I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
