I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
