margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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