Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
