When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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