So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
