don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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