My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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