i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
