I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
