Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
