i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you still have your period?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
