dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
