My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
