How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
