I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
this is an emotional support booty call
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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