I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
