another moral hangover. fuck.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
