I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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