and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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