Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
