im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
