at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
