so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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