I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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