best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
