Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
