I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
