Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
did i walk over a car last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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