well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
