Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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