drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
