so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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