She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
