Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
