The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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