wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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