i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
