margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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