Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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