Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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