I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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