Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
