My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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