You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry my hands just texted you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize