Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
