i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
