I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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