I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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